It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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