did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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