So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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