Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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