Who wears a wallet chain?!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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