a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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