im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
