I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
