I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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