i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
