i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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