I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
