No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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