If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
