I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
