Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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