Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
