Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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