I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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