he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
