I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
