It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
