God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
