I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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