defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
