Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
