then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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