So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
