So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
