cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it's like iHOP with fire
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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