was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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