also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
