hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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