something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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