My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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