I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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