If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
