On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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