One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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