Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
