Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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