Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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