guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
