First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
