is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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