So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
