what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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