I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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