The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
