There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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