I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
