I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You ruined the universe
Randomize
