ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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