roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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