Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
