So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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