He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i think my cat just said my name.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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