I CAN MOONWALK!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
