Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
