just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
